We’re struggling. We used to talk more before we had kids. We used to have time for us. You used to care when I started to cry instead of just ignoring me or having a look on your face that you’ve given up.
We used to not fight. I know our oldest can be trying. We’re blessed to have such a strong willed child. I need you to stop yelling at her all the time. You say you want her to be a kid but then you try to treat her like an adult. You need to find a way to not yell at her constantly. It’s completely unattractive. The sweet moments you two have are precious but are few and far between. You blame her, but 90% of it is you. It breaks my heart to constantly have the fight with you.
I know you’re tired of me saying the same things. You’ve called me a bitch many years ago for nagging. I’m constantly in fear of you doing it again as I know I nag at times. Our children are picking up on your habits of yelling or just being on their tablets and ignoring us like you’re often on your phone.
I need you to try. I know I can’t change you. I need you to try to find a way to be in the moment nowm. Put down your phone. Be present.
You’ve started posting in Facebook groups for podcasts that I know nothing about. You’ve basically become a stranger. Some days it’s very hard to remember why we fell in love. Some days I think if we would ever divorce but I wouldn’t risk having less time with the kids.
So here I am.
You have asked me what I need.
I need you to stop and actually try to take some advice that I’ve given you. Instead of my constantly repeating.
I need to know you think of me occasionally. We’ve become roommates and I’ve started to hate your touch because I don’t think you actually care. I think you’re just going through the motions. Hiding on Facebook and in your phone. I need the random sweet compliments. I need to the thinking of you moments where I just knew you cared. I need you to be present.
I need the look on your face that you’re so hopeless you’ve give up to go away. I need you to stop saying you’re fine and talk to me like you used to. I know you’re not fight as that same look has been on my face.
I need more than silence. I often look at you and watch you while you’re on your phone with us. You are missing out on so much. I hope it’s worth it. I know I fail at that myself sometime, but I am trying to get better.
You used to reach for me. Now I feel like I’m an obligation. I feel used at times. I know they need me a lot but feeling valued as your partner stopped somewhere.
I’ve been trying to fight for us.
I’m tired of crying myself to sleep almost nightly. I’m tired of thinking your family hates me and you won’t stick up for me. I’m tired of you thinking things are ok as soon as I stop mentioning then. I’m just tired.
I know two littles is tougher than we thought. I know we’ve lost time for us.
They aren’t little long.
I just hope when we get to the other side, we can find the two people who fell in love somehow. I hope it’s not too late.