Today we had our first doctor’s appointment for this pregnancy. I was nervous. I was scared. I felt sick to my stomach. All morning I kept telling myself no matter what happens, it is a step forward. A step closer to our baby, a step closer to figuring out if anything is wrong.
My appointment was at 10 and they treated me with kid gloves. They asked me questions on my mood, said that the test was positive, and my doctor send in another nurse ahead of time to set up the ultrasound machine. She walked in a few minutes later and asked me how I was. I burst into tears.
I knew I was going to, but I was holding it together so well for the nurse! She told me it’s completely okay and she understands we are scared. She said she wants to do the ultrasound first before she asks us any questions what-so-ever, so we don’t have to worry. I also got a pap as I was due in December, and she very clearly told me everything looked fine, nice and closed up. I started to bleed as she did it, so she showed me the level of blood and told me not to freak out. I will be okay.
Then she asked if we were sure on my last period cycle. I stated we know the first day, but my cycle switched to 37 days, so I may have ovulated later than normal. She nodded did some math and let me know that all she has to see today are two circles. That’s all she is looking for. If it’s not there it could just mean that we aren’t as far along as we though and if we get a heartbeat it will be a bonus. She’s not going to give me a due date if she doesn’t see the heartbeat. I said okay and she got to it.
I was staring at my husband who was staring at the screen. I didn’t want to look if nothing was there. She was talking to me and letting me know everything looks good and then…it was there. She pointed out the head, arms, the butt, and the heartbeat. The baby has a heartbeat. I started to cry again, but happy tears.
She turned it to me to make sure I could see it and let me stare. She printed out a photo immediately and handed it to me as I cried. We made another baby!
Then she dated us. We were at eight weeks exactly. Going into it I knew I could be either, seven, eight, or nine weeks. I was praying for at least eight weeks. Something to show it was growing normal as at seven I would start to get paranoid.
I asked her if she could tell if the heartbeat was strong. I know she couldn’t hear it as we weren’t having that type of test, and she explained that. She pointed out the heartbeat to us on the ultrasound and said from doing millions of ultrasounds like this, yes its a good heartbeat. She can tell. She then went away to take the machine out and came back to answer our questions once I was dressed.
I love my doctor. I really do. She said she would be worried if I hadn’t started to cry, so it’s normal. She understands we are under a lot of stress as we are worried. She had looked to see if she could get us in before Thanksgiving for another ultrasound just to double check, but its booked solid. She doesn’t think we will need it as since we saw a heartbeat, my miscarriage chances go down a lot. However, if I need it to call and they will figuring something out. She just wants me to work on not being stressed as she’s not stressed. She told me when I get sad or scared to let it out. Cry or bitch or whine. Do whatever I need to do, but just get it out and be happy. Don’t miss out on this pregnancy as my odds are that this one is it. This one will stick.
I asked her about my random spotting and she said its completely normal. She reminded me again not to freak out about bleeding after the pap. She also told me not to freak out with spotting as a lot of people spot their entire pregnancy and that if it gets to be period consistency then to worry.
Then she said she’s on call this weekend so if I come up with any more questions, just to give her a call. She also told me that there’s nothing I can’t do. I can run. I can have sex. However, she doesn’t want me to do something and then something to happen since I have miscarried once, so if I’m hesitant or afraid… don’t do it. I really interrupted that to mean don’t act normal and do everything the books say are okay if it’s going to stress me out. My pregnancy is a bit different as I had a miscarriage, enjoy it, I can do whatever, but just don’t do anything that’s going to cause me extra stress.
So we left happy. Happy tears and booked our next appointment for less than a month away – December 3. They will do my 12 week then even though I will be just under. I am unbelievably thankful. I know the next appointment will be even more stressful as I found out I miscarried at the last one. I’m sure I will have freak-out moments until then. I will just try to believe in this little miracle as I know staying calm will help it a lot.
Thank you for all the prayers and checking in on me. I love all of you that read this more than you know. Today, I am still pregnant! Praying I get to meet our little one around June 18.