Today, I am struggling. I should be at 9 weeks and 4 days. For all I know, I am at least 9 weeks and 4 days. 9 weeks and 6 days it what size the baby was at when it died earlier this year. I cannot get those numbers or those days out of my mind. Our next appointment cannot come soon enough.
I am scared. I am terrified. I threw myself into work today, but since I got home I am lost. I stopped for a pick-me up burrito after work from Moe’s. They were slow. They gave us stale chips. The drink machine was out of my coke with lime. I am just crabby and whiny and full of first world problems.
I was asked what my 10 year goals were at work today. I basically stated that everything is on hold until we get the child situation figured either – hopefully by giving birth in June. However, if not I know our journey is far from over. Either way, we will want more than one kid, so this journey isn’t over. However, I just feel stuck and that’s not a bad thing, my patience is just wearing thin and I’m struggling. So then I got home and cried. I just don’t know if its the pressure or my self-paranoia that something will happen. I just want to believe. However, today I am struggling.