The struggle…

Today, I am struggling. I should be at 9 weeks and 4 days. For all I know, I am at least 9 weeks and 4 days. 9 weeks and 6 days it what size the baby was at when it died earlier this year. I cannot get those numbers or those days out of my mind. Our next appointment cannot come soon enough.

I am scared. I am terrified. I threw myself into work today, but since I got home I am lost. I stopped for a pick-me up burrito after work from Moe’s. They were slow. They gave us stale chips. The drink machine was out of my coke with lime. I am just crabby and whiny and full of first world problems.

I was asked what my 10 year goals were at work today. I basically stated that everything is on hold until we get the child situation figured either – hopefully by giving birth in June. However, if not I know our journey is far from over. Either way, we will want more than one kid, so this journey isn’t over. However, I just feel stuck and that’s not a bad thing, my patience is just wearing thin and I’m struggling. So then I got home and cried. I just don’t know if its the pressure or my self-paranoia that something will happen. I just want to believe. However, today I am struggling.

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About Finding Hope

Had a miscarriage in May 2014. Ended up having a D&C on Mother's Day 2014. Gave birth to an amazing little girl in June 2015. This blog helps deal with the grief of the first child and worries of motherhood and any future pregnancies.
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6 Responses to The struggle…

  1. Wishing you peace and calm as you reflect on your last lost, and get through the next few days.

  2. I am so sorry! Keeping you in my prayers!

  3. Hey hun. I remember this feeling. My last pregnancy I ended up with 4 extra scans, forced by myself, because I could not shake the fear and anxiety of another loss away. I pushed my partner away and I even struggled after the 20 week scan! I pray that everything goes well for you. I have just done a 3 part post on miscarriage on my blog as well, plus the original blog pieces from my miscarriage last year (temporary blessings). So sorry for your loss but God Willing you will be blessed permanently this time. My rainbow baby is already 6 weeks old! Thank you for sharing your story x

  4. I’m thinking of you. I know how hard these days can be. Sending peace and positive thoughts your way ❤

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