The less popular parent…

That would be me.  All kids – especially when they are little – have a favorite parent. Oddly enough it was Daddy until our LO was about 9 months. Over the last 9 months, it’s been me. Mama is the only one who can do most of the time. Mama is the one she wants to be with and I loved every single minute of it.

Since I was diagnosed with my SCH, I ended up with a ton of restrictions. This means I could no longer lift her or really do much of anything with her as I’m on minimal walking.  Daddy has since become the favorite again and it breaks my heart a bit as sometimes he offers her to me and she just gets angry and shakes her head no.  I’m very happy that Daddy has gained popularity, but while dealing with the emotions of worrying about this pregnancy I can’t help but worry like any parent adding a second child – am I ruining her life? Will I still get my time with her?

I love all my time and the love, snuggles, and just huge grins. I haven’t gotten a kiss in forever. I can’t get hugs anymore. She wants to play with Daddy as Daddy is fun. He can play with her, and lift, her and get giggles and have fun.

Mama has to tell her no. No she can’t lift her, no she can’t do that with her, no Mama can’t come play because Mama needs to rest.  Add pregnancy hormones to this and I can’t just help but feel sad. I know this isn’t forever. I know it will change again. However, what if it’s like this until after I give birth?

Don’t get me wrong. I do want the other baby who is still dancing away. I know my feelings are just part of a normal adjustment but it can’t help but make me feel that I’ve failed. I hope that her little brother or sister understands how much I love them, want them, and can’t wait to meet them in the summer.

In SCH news, as far as we know the blood clot is still hanging out. I had an emergency scan at the doctor’s office about 2.5 weeks ago I had a tiny clot a few days after that, but didn’t go in as it was less than anything else I had. We had an appointment last Wednesday and did a regular ultrasound and saw the baby dance and the heartbeat.  Baby is still growing fine.  My doctor’s office is fantastic and wants to monitor me and stay on top of it so I’m less worried and they can see what the blood clot is doing as there is a small chance for having further complications later on in the pregnancy. She tried to find it on her ultrasound machine, but didn’t really see anything.  I go back in two weeks for a more high-tech scan with the outside company that comes in and we’ll get to see baby and check on the size of the clot again.  I’m hopeful that the clot may be almost gone and there’s a possibility that I can lift up on my restrictions a tiny bit.

We did announce our pregnancy and did a separate announcement of our complications asking for prayers or any assistance anyone wants to give us.  It was great to be supported by so many friends. I’m a bit anxious that something may happen, but I’m trying to enjoy this pregnancy as I know all too well that you always worry any pregnancy after a miscarriage.

I hope anyone reading this had an amazing Christmas and good luck in the new year.


About Finding Hope

Had a miscarriage in May 2014. Ended up having a D&C on Mother's Day 2014. Gave birth to an amazing little girl in June 2015. This blog helps deal with the grief of the first child and worries of motherhood and any future pregnancies.
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One Response to The less popular parent…

  1. I’m sorry things are so hard right now. Mi can only imagine how difficult it must be to not be able to interact how you would like. Sending you lots of love!!!

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