A year ago at this very moment, I thought I was tired. I thought I knew what was about to happen, but I really had no clue. As a year ago I was getting ready for bed, crawling into bed and then I heard a “pop.” That pop was the start of the most wonderful journey that I’ve ever experienced. Four hours later a few hours after midnight (after probably one of the shortest labors most people will ever hear about), I met one amazing little girl who has continued to light up my life and help me find my destiny ever since.
The past year has been challenging and life changing. You think you’re tired? Have a baby, work a full time job, live far away from family or most people who’d you consider asking for help, and just rely on your husband who also works a full time job often with opposite hours. Then I will believe you are tired. Have any child for that matter, and you will know the definition of tired.
It’s also been wonderful. It’s amazing to think of myself as to where I was a year ago jumping into motherhood and where I am now. I’ve found my inner voice as being her mother. I speak up for what’s best for her. I fight for what she deserves. I find a way to give her everything I can and to keep her safe, healthy, happy, and loved. She is oh-so-very-much loved.
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It’s been interesting. I started out breastfeeding as I knew I wanted to. My goal was six months. There were some nights early on when she wanted to eat ALL THE TIME that I was wondering if I could make it three months. There were nights when she just kept eating that I was nervous I wasn’t producing enough milk. Before we knew it, I had hit six months. We introduced solid foods and it was all easy enough from there. Yes, I dedicated all my breaks at work to pumping. I was lucky enough to have a bit of a freezer stash for the days that I didn’t quite pump enough. I successfully am a full-time working mother who managed to exclusively breastfeed their child for an entire year. I’m proud of that statement. (I would like to state that I don’t care if you breastfeeding or formula feed as long as your child is well fed and taken care of. Good for you mom, no matter what you did!) Yes, the last few months got easier as I was able to transition to working at home and I can pump while I work. It’s a glorious thing! Now, here I am a year breastfeeding in and I’m trying to figure out how to start weaning. In the past week, she’s started refusing a bottle and only wants fresh milk. We’ll transition into other liquids at daycare, but how does one wean? That’s my new dilemma, and it’s not something I ever thought of a year ago. It’s a wonderful place to be.
It’s been a year of discovery. I’ve been finding what’s important and myself. The past year as really made me see that I am meant to be her mother and I love being her mother. Before I had her, I never got a feeling of “this is where I’m meant to be” as strongly as I do each and every day with her.
It’s been a year of thanks. After our first pregnancy that ended in miscarriage, I was terrified. I didn’t know if I would ever get pregnant. My entire second pregnancy I was scared. I tried to enjoy it, but it didn’t feel real as what if something happened? She didn’t feel real until she entered the room and then life was magnificent. Then, I started worrying about SIDs, if she’s safe at daycare, if she’s eating enough, and all other normal mom worries. I’m thankful I was able to have those worries as not every Mom gets a happy ending. So I’ve been thankful and gave thanks as I’ve prayed for this wonderful little girl who lights up my life and I can’t wait to see grow up. I’m grateful and thankful for each and every day. I’ve learned to put my phone down and enjoy the moment more. Enjoy watching this wonderful girl discover, grow, fall down, pick herself back up and try again.
I hope I am lucky enough to see her grandchildren someday as that’s a wonderful thought. Happy Birthday Eve Sweet Darling Girl. Here’s to a wonderful second year and many many more. I won’t mind if you let me sleep past 2:12 a.m. tonight when you made your appearance and screamed for the next two hours as you didn’t know what happened or where you were. However, if you want to relive those moments and get Mama cuddles, go ahead and wake me up. I’d be happy to hold you.