Resolved.

We had an ultrasound almost four weeks ago now. I meant to update this sooner, but I’ve been busy catching up on life.  We weren’t expecting to get baby’s gender or any news on the SCH as last time they had to send it off to be read.  However, we were happily surprised and shocked that we found out both.

The SCH is gone. They couldn’t see it anymore and I was told not to expect any more bleeding. It does not appear to have damaged the placenta, but they are checking again this Wednesday at my anatomy scan. I will be at an increased risk for preterm labor, but so far so good. We’re praying, crossing our fingers, and so incredibly thankful that it’s gone. It could come back, but for now we will celebrate.

We were 15 weeks at the scan. We were told it’s too early for the gender. Then a few minutes later were asked if we wanted to know the gender. Apparently our kiddo kept flashing the ultrasound tech. She has about 12 photos showing that it’s a boy!  We were happily surprised and laughing about it. She had trouble getting all her measurements, but she could definitely tell the gender. Silly little dude.

We would have been more than happy with a boy or a girl. A boy is the more expensive option as we will need a lot of new clothing, but we’re thrilled to be blessed with one of each.

I’m off all my restrictions. I occasionally lift my toddler even though it’s technically a no-no. My doctors know and say they’d do the same thing. I’m being careful as my stamina from those few weeks of almost bed rest has definitely gone down a lot.

We also have been discussing if this will be it for us children wise or what. Our limit is three, and I feel with the miscarriage, the perfectly normal healthy pregnancy, and now this SCH pregnancy – it may be time to be done.  I’m not sure if I could do this anymore again. If you have an SCH, you are more likely to have another one.  However, we’re not making any decisions.  We’ve agreed to not decide until after childbirth and we settle into having two kids.  It’s going to be an adventure without any family here to help. However, I’m teamed up with the best husband. If anyone can do it, I know we can.

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The bright side…

Still here.  Still pregnant. Baby is hanging on. My doctor’s are amazing and totally understand I need a peace of mind, so they are scheduling me for scans every two weeks to check on the growth of the SCH and the baby. We have so many ultrasound pictures of our little one and it moves during every single ultrasound.

The last high tech ultrasound I got showed it was still there. Hadn’t really grown or gotten smaller, but still there.  I’ve had a few days of bad cramping and some spotting, but I still believe baby is okay.  My morning sickness is disappearing. I’m in maternity shirts. Most of my pants still fit, but the shirts just fit easier over my stomach. I’m starting to show a tiny bit which is nice. I just can’t wait until I can feel kicks so I can know that baby is okay and not just rely on faith. We are slowly creeping along to viability (Currently somewhere around 14 weeks) which is my goal right now.

I’ve realized that there is one bright side to this and it’s very similar to my last post – it’s that our 18 month old appreciates her Daddy more.  She’s adjusting so well. When I’m the first one in her room in the morning, she starts calling for Dad and brings me toys to play with. She gives me a hug and then we play with toys with her standing in her crib until Daddy can come lift her out for me.

She really appreciates her Dad more.  She always loved him, but now she’s really enjoying time with him. She giggles and plays games with him and gives him hugs. That’s good as Daddy was feeling neglected for awhile. This time for them has bonded them closer together and for that I am grateful.

It also doesn’t help that I got a hug and a kiss (on my shoulder) good-bye this morning as she was off to daycare. She’s the sweetest girl and for that we are so lucky.

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The less popular parent…

That would be me.  All kids – especially when they are little – have a favorite parent. Oddly enough it was Daddy until our LO was about 9 months. Over the last 9 months, it’s been me. Mama is the only one who can do most of the time. Mama is the one she wants to be with and I loved every single minute of it.

Since I was diagnosed with my SCH, I ended up with a ton of restrictions. This means I could no longer lift her or really do much of anything with her as I’m on minimal walking.  Daddy has since become the favorite again and it breaks my heart a bit as sometimes he offers her to me and she just gets angry and shakes her head no.  I’m very happy that Daddy has gained popularity, but while dealing with the emotions of worrying about this pregnancy I can’t help but worry like any parent adding a second child – am I ruining her life? Will I still get my time with her?

I love all my time and the love, snuggles, and just huge grins. I haven’t gotten a kiss in forever. I can’t get hugs anymore. She wants to play with Daddy as Daddy is fun. He can play with her, and lift, her and get giggles and have fun.

Mama has to tell her no. No she can’t lift her, no she can’t do that with her, no Mama can’t come play because Mama needs to rest.  Add pregnancy hormones to this and I can’t just help but feel sad. I know this isn’t forever. I know it will change again. However, what if it’s like this until after I give birth?

Don’t get me wrong. I do want the other baby who is still dancing away. I know my feelings are just part of a normal adjustment but it can’t help but make me feel that I’ve failed. I hope that her little brother or sister understands how much I love them, want them, and can’t wait to meet them in the summer.

In SCH news, as far as we know the blood clot is still hanging out. I had an emergency scan at the doctor’s office about 2.5 weeks ago I had a tiny clot a few days after that, but didn’t go in as it was less than anything else I had. We had an appointment last Wednesday and did a regular ultrasound and saw the baby dance and the heartbeat.  Baby is still growing fine.  My doctor’s office is fantastic and wants to monitor me and stay on top of it so I’m less worried and they can see what the blood clot is doing as there is a small chance for having further complications later on in the pregnancy. She tried to find it on her ultrasound machine, but didn’t really see anything.  I go back in two weeks for a more high-tech scan with the outside company that comes in and we’ll get to see baby and check on the size of the clot again.  I’m hopeful that the clot may be almost gone and there’s a possibility that I can lift up on my restrictions a tiny bit.

We did announce our pregnancy and did a separate announcement of our complications asking for prayers or any assistance anyone wants to give us.  It was great to be supported by so many friends. I’m a bit anxious that something may happen, but I’m trying to enjoy this pregnancy as I know all too well that you always worry any pregnancy after a miscarriage.

I hope anyone reading this had an amazing Christmas and good luck in the new year.

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Hanging on…

Baby is still here and as of our scan last week Wednesday – still dancing. Baby wiggled and moved the entire ultrasound.

Since my last post, I had another scare last Wednesday in the middle of the night. (Using the bathroom is now a terrifying experience – you constantly wonder if you’re bleeding.)  I woke up and was bleeding and then passing little clots.  I woke my husband up after about 45 minutes of me freaking out by myself and he stayed awake with me and got me some food and a drink for a bit. Two hours later, the bleeding had slowed down a lot and I was able to fall back asleep. I called my doctor’s office right when they opened and they were able to get me in for a scan.  Baby is fine. The blood clot doesn’t look much bigger, but they have to send it off to an expert to be sure. I’ll get those results at my next appointment.

Pregnancy with an Subchorionic Hematoma is interesting.  We’re coming up on the end of the first trimester – the normal time where people announce and we’re torn.  We partially want to announce so we can try and summon up some extra help from people that live nearby as we don’t have any family. However, if this ends in miscarriage (even though the odds are tiny), I don’t want to have to deal with the comments.  So we wait and see. We’ve had bad odds before.  If I listened to my gut, I believe that everything is going to be ok, that we will conquer this and survive it.  However, I’m terrified.

My 18 month old is starting to prefer Daddy over me as Daddy can do all the fun things. Mommy can just lie on the couch, cuddle, and watch TV. I’m trying not to let it effect my mood, but it’s a struggle. She’s always been a very active kiddo and I don’t blame her at all. I just hope she somehow understands that Mommy wishes she could do all the thing she finds fun.

So we’re taking it day by day. We may have an appointment this week, but I can cancel it if I’m not bleeding. If we do cancel, we go back next week for the end of our first trimester appointment. I spend my time resting, reading, and googling this thing.  (Here are two helpful sites if you want to know more: here and here.)

Thankfully I found a great Support Group on Facebook so I’m not going entirely insane and I know that I am very lucky with mine so far. We take it day by day and pray that this little one keeps on dancing.

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Threatened Miscarriage.

Hello, old friend.  Threatened miscarriage I’ve decided is one of the most awful things that you can be sent home from the emergency room being diagnosed with.

I’m currently 11 weeks pregnant. No one knows except our parents and a few close friends.  I’ve been spotting since we found out with a hometest back in October. We saw our little one and a strong heartbeat at 9 weeks.  The spotting can happen. The ultrasound looked normal.

The spotting increases and then yesterday a blood clot. A call to the doctor sent me to the er. 4 hours of blood work, urine tests, a pelvic (those are the worst in the er!) And an ultrasound where the tech would tell me nothing as my husband was at home with our kiddo as we have no one to watch her and I was shocked that the baby was alive. Measuring 11 weeks 3 days and a normal heartbeat. Except it has a friend in with it – a blood clot. It’s officially called a subchronic hematoma or sch. They come in all sizes and just show up randomly. They can grow. They either absorb into the lining, bleed out or sadly end up killing the baby.

As I was told my results as I sobbed hysterically. This is the best news I could hope for with this. Mine is small. From my obsessive googling, those have the best odds of the baby surviving.

I now have a ton of restrictions. I’m on pelvic rest. No lifting at all, no bending, no exercise, only minimal walking. Either sit or lie down. No breastfeeding.  No lifting or carrying my amazing kiddo. She was force weaned from our last breastfeeding session. The last 24 hours have been a huge adjustment for our little family with no one nearby to help my husband do it all. These are the times I wish we had a village.

I wish I had taken a photo of my last night breastfeeding my daughter. It’s petty as I’ll gladly do everything I can to save her sibling but my heart broke a bit as we get the tantrums of not being able to be held by mommy. The confused look when I tell her no more mama milk and the endless worry of her little brother or sister and if they are still alive.

All I can do is rest, stay hydrated, and wait. Threatened miscarriage. I pray that we win and not you.

 

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Mom Updates…

It’s been awhile since I visited and posted on this blog (or really any of my blogs).  My sweet girl is 13 and a half months old.  We’re slowly discussing when we want to try for baby number two while keeping in mind risks like miscarriage, Zika, costs, etc.  We’re trying to make ourselves the most prepared we can be, but we’re really just trying to enjoy life.

We’re in the middle of weaning for breastfeeding. We’re down to two feeds a day – one in the morning once she wakes up and one at night before bed.  She will rarely fall asleep feeding anymore at night, she feeds and then cuddles and plays, and then goes down into her crib wide awake sometimes and puts herself to sleep.  I’ll be saddened once our breastfeeding journey is over, but I do not miss pumping.  We just cut out our last daytime feed last week and we’re weaning slowly and on her schedule. I’ve been cutting one out about every three weeks, but my goal was to be down to two before we go on vacation in August and we’re there so I’ll probably take the last few weaning at her lead.

Miss L has been going to swim lessons.  For the last five weeks, she’s been going to swim lessons four days a week for ten minutes one on one with a teacher.  She’s learned to flip over onto her back in float.  I am impressed that at just over a year she knows how to do this and is a bit more prepared if she would end up accidentally in water. Living in Florida, we want to give her every advantage possible. Yes she cried for a bit, but I definitely think it’s a necessity for kids living in Florida. I’m thankful we’re able to afford them for her.

We also had 1 year and family photos with our maternity photographers who we have really enjoyed working with.  Here is a small sampling of her 1-year photos and her smash cake session. She’s just like Mom and Dad who enjoy cake more than frosting.

I am just so incredibly grateful to be her mom and thank God every day for this amazing opportunity and time together. I hope I’m here to see her children someday.

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Father’s day…

Tomorrow is my husband’s 2nd father’s day with an earthly child. Last year we were just getting used to life with this little miracle. This year it feels like we’ve always had her.

My husband has amazed me over the last year. He’s an amazing partner and father. I’m really lucky as not every guy would be so involved with their child. Little Miss L slept through the night for 10 hours straight for a week. Since we are now starting to wean, it was nice to cut out the nighttime feed. This week she’s been teething  (1st molar) and has been waking up crying at around 4 a.m. My amazing husband has gotten up every night and gotten her back to sleep so she doesn’t fight for food until we are more established at weaning. I stay and listen on the monitor and wait in solidarity until he crawls back into bed. He’s amazing!

Hope you have a great Father’s day hubby. Thank you for always being there.

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